INCREDIBLY SHORT STORIES

As follow-on from our recount writing, our next learning focus for writing is 

'Incredibly Short Stories'.

The purpose of our writing is to:
* entertain, amuse and interest the reader.

* paint a precise picture of the event / experience.

* focus on specific techniques used by authors to hold the readers.

Success criteria:
* adjectives explain detail

* time connectives put event in order

* written in the past tense

* correct sentence structure

* pronouns refer to people and places

* capitals and punctuation used correctly

* spelling is fully checked and corrected

* word limit = 100 words

How well have we achieved the purpose?

Please comment by reflecting on the purpose and by using the success criteria.

Cross Country Challenge
The bright light forces my eyes to look down, I can hear loud puffing over my shoulder.  A towering hill crouches before me.I clamber up the hill.  In the distance I can see the tops of tall pine trees.  It is only the start of the race but I can already feel my face turning red.

I stagger along a short flat before coming to another monstrous hill but just beyond are the pine trees.  My shoes slip, I have to crawl up the slope with prickly grass stabbing into my knees.I find relief among the trees of the shady forest.  

By Jessica J

My First Goal
We were being thrashed. Otumoetai had just got another goal. I hit the centre ball off to Toby and he dribbled it up the field. As I raced over to the goal area,  Toby passed it back to me. Players started crowding me. I randomly hit the ball not looking. I heard the whistle blow. Jess shouted "Hannah you got a goal".  Toby, Jess and I ran back to our half. I couldn't stop smilling. We knew we couldn't win but at least this time it was them hitting it off, not us.

By Hannah

The Fearfall

“We’re here,” Mum said pulling up the car. As quick as a fox I ran to the entrance of Rainbows End. “Hurry up!” Ethan and I shouted. “Let’s go on the Fearfall!”

After paying I sprinted to the Fearfall, it was my first time. I was incredibly excited.

“Here we go, you ready?” Mum asked. “Yep, I’m nervous though,” I replied. The cart went higher and higher.  My hands were trembling, stomach churning. 3,2,1 then ‘whoosh’. I dropped out of the sky. “Agh,” I screamed, surprised by the sudden fall. Shaking, I told Mum, “That was awesome, can I do it again?”

By Sophie

Cross Country

Finally the Tall Poppies Cross Country had finished. I had run through gorse, jumped over roots, slid down hills and tripped in potholes. I was completely spent. I went to sit down only to find that I had drunk all the water in my bottle before the race. Joe offered me a chocolate fish; it looked good but I turned it down because chocolate makes me thirsty. Whenever I tried to speak, it felt like I had a stone in my throat and I could hardly hear myself talk. Relief came to me when we got back to school and Mrs Billington gave us all Jellytip ice blocks.
By Toby

Hockey

There was about 2 minutes left in the game and the score was 4 goals to Omokoroa Point, we had 0. The ref blew his whistle and we were off. Hannah started off and passed it to Toby. I saw that no one was at their goal except their goal keeper, I yelled to the players “Pass pass”. Running into an open space so I could get the ball, I knew we would have time for one more play,so I ran even faster. Toby passed the ball to me and I dribbled up to the goal, past one of their players, into the circle where I hit the ball into the goal.The whistle blew! Game over! Score was 4 to 1. I did it, I got my first goal.
By Keilani


Best of the Best
Please come down to the mat for the Best Of The Best Gymnastics prize giving. I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't get rid of them. I was sitting next to my old friends and my sister. I felt like I had done pretty well during this competition. The lady who was in charge of the medals and certificates grabbed a list of the winners and the microphone off the table. She moved out in front of all the kids. My category was up.I had competed against my friends Charlotte and Leah, and my sister Keilani. My breaths were heavy and my heart was beating as fast as a cheetah. I had 100 butterflies in my stomach. “Alright moving onto the Senior Artistic Girls 1st place we have…..” I didn't hear her name, all I was thinking about was that there was 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th places left. My right hand pinky was tapping on my Nike shoe. “Ok 2nd placed is...excuse me if I say your name wrong, 2nd place goes to...Arrohayyinna? from Tauriko School.” I bit my tongue and di the biggest grin I have ever done. I signalled to my friends little sister to take a photo of me on the podium. A lady handed me my certificate, and carefully placed the silver medal around my neck. I couldnt stop smiling, I was so proud of myself. All my hard work had finally paid off with a great ending!
By Arohaina

Book Club

“Where do we go?” I asked Mum.

“ We are going to Bookrapt through here.” she replied. My mother and I were going to Bookrapt, which is a book club, preferably for adults, but the organisers made an exception for me because I love books.  We were mainly there to listen to Donovan Bixley,

the illustrious author magician.  He presented a slideshow filled with his

various drawings of characters and landscapes, describing each one, which

book  it’s from and the characters within it. I ended up buying one of his books

titled ‘Monkey Boy’ - I even got him to sign it.

By Rachael


Rugby Day
"30 seconds until the first game, Tauriko Tacklers against Tahatai". Our team whimpered and whined, got a drink, and ran onto the rugby field. I was nervous, we were versing Tahatai Coast, my old school. I never thought I'd see the day when I would verse some of my best friends in rugby. The siren went off. Tahatai did the first kick and Hannah caught the ball and ran to the try line. She ran through at least 3 people but still got a try.
By Myah

Its A Rush!

A long hand stretched out and pointed to the blinking red light on my bedside counter. “8:00am?” I questioned. My Mum’s head nodded slowly. My eyes were wide open, there was no point in going back to sleep. Next thing I knew the door slammed and jolted me from my blankets which were wrapped around me like a pig in blanket. Puzzled by the reaction of Mum, I wandered over to my drawer, pulling out clothes -one by one-  and threw them onto my bed.

As I struggled with my clothes, the clock  keeped on ticking.

By Hamish

Sparklers

On New Year's Eve I burnt myself with a sparkler. I adore the sound of a firework going off boom bang but I don’t enjoy being burnt! I just love the smell of fireworks; it smells like the ashes of the fire on a cold winter’s day. Whenever the fireworks go off, I think I'm going to catch fire. It was the 31st of December, 2013 - fireworks where going off everywhere.  The noise made the dog bark. So, whenever it's New Year's Eve and you have a dog or two, remember to put earmuffs on them.

By Aston


A Day Out

During the weekend I went fishing with my Dad and Uncle Jase. We had already caught several Piper, because we could use them for bait. I baited my line and cast it out. In about five minutes zzz ! I got one! "It's a Kingie" said  Uncle Jase, "Nah its a big Kahawai", my Dad said. It splashed and peeled line out for about ten minutes. When we heaved it up onto the rocks it was jumping around the rocks everywhere. it was a very big ocean Kahawai, it weighed about 4kgs. It was as long as the length from my chin to my leg. I released it back. It was a successful day as we caught two huge Kahawai and loads of Piper.

By WInchester

Trout Day

We arived at the Tongariro Trout Centre. We went over a bridge and saw some big trout. We got to the visitor centre and my dad had to "go" so I went ahead to the sub-exhibit where they showed us how trout swim. Next we went to the museum of the trouts anatomy and life cycle, it was awesome with live baby trout and their natural predators. Next we had a go at fly fishing in the trout pond. Me, Lincoln and Matthew all caught a trout and whacked it on the head with a stick and ate it. I'll never forget that incredible day.

By Ethan.